It's my way or the highway!

I love my church. We have a wonderful pastor, pastor's wife, and a very handsome, amazing youth pastor (you knew I was going to say that, right?). We also have some loving church members, that are very friendly and welcoming to other people. As you walk in you'll be greeted with smiles, and if you get to know them like I have, you may even get a hug! Something has happened recently that is making us move to the gym for worship, and we all have seen the not quite so Christ-like attitude come out in the church members!
What is it about change that makes us become ugly to one another? I used to laugh when preachers talked about members bickering over the color of the carpet, but now I'm not laughing so hard. If people can get upset just over where they will be conducting Sunday school for a few weeks, then I guess a church can split over the color in carpet.
Okay, my little rant is over. However, I think that our church isn't the only one that goes through troubles like that. It's human nature to be selfish and to want things our own way, but it's not Christ-like, or the way we should be to our own brothers and sisters in Christ!

In Ephesians 5:21 it says we should submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, and in Philippians 2 it says this:
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, ² complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. ³ Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. ⁴ Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ⁵ Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

So, it says here that we are to be servants, and make others more important than ourselves! I understand that it's hard to do, but it's what we are commanded to do.

Do you find yourself wanting your own way in the church? Do you find yourself voicing your own way very loudly in the church (A lot of times it is very loud and opinionated woman who are doing most of the voicing, when really, we are supposed to be quiet in the church: 1Cor. 14:34)? When's the last time you served someone else instead of asking to be served?  The world does not revolve around us, but we are supposed to be living our lives for Christ.

How to be roommates, and still be friends!

Most of you know that I spent three years in Thailand. Of those three years, I spent a little over a year in a small one room (plus an outside bathroom) apartment (looked more like a dorm room) with my awesome roommate, Martina. She and I are from different countries, America and Italy, but I believe I had one of the greatest roommate experiences. I had heard so many horror stories about people's roommates, especially if they had started off as friends. God really blessed me with the roommate I had, who was really laid back, and helped my experience be a great one.  I am, of course, a youth pastor's wife, which means we minister to teenagers, and ones who are about to go off to college. We have a couple who are wanting to room with each other and one other friend (they are all best friends), so as promised to them, I am writing a post on how to be roommates and still be friends!

If you have read my other blog posts you know I've talked a lot about relationships, and this is basically another type of relationship. To begin, the most important thing is:

Communication

Talk it out! And this needs to start before you become roommates. If you ask the questions later, then you are asking for more drama, and possible loss of friendships. Here are some sample questions to ask:
Money:
Who is in charge to collect the money to pay for rent/utilities? Will each buy their own groceries? If you are carpooling will the gas be split?
Social:
Do you want some guidelines as far as boys being in the house? If one has a boyfriend, what is appropriate for them to do in front of everyone? (if you are all strong Christians, this may be much easier to talk about. If you are dating, it's my suggestion that if you invite them in, it should to the living room area with your roommates there. Bedrooms should never be a place for boys! (and guys, your bedroom should never be a place for girls!) )
Cleanliness:
Who is in Charge of cleaning which rooms? How often should it be done, and how thorough? If you are sharing a bedroom, does it matter if one cleans their side of the room and the other one doesn't?
Time:
Are your friends night owls, and you're an early bird, how late or how early can you be making loud noises? Remember Proverbs 27:14 'Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.' This can also be applied to late at night as well.
Are you carpooling to class? How late is too late? Do you know your friend likes to take their time in the morning and is often late for school, but you've never had to deal with it before...well, you may want to talk about it now, so you don't have to argue about it later.

Arguements

As good as the communication was before you got together, there still may be arguments later. We are all human, after all, and we each come with our own unique personality, our own strengths and weaknesses. Remember that as Christians, we should treat our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, with love, and put each others needs above our own (Ephesians 4:32“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” ). Sometimes, however, you may feel like something needs to be addressed. When this happens you should go directly to the person you are having trouble with and not to anyone else, then tell them in love what is bothering you.

Fish and company stink after three days

You absolutely love hanging out with your best friend, and feel like that being roommates is like having a sleepover party every night. Not saying there won't be days like that, but it is good to remember, that anybody can get tired of anybody.  My roommate and I were in two separate majors, with different class times, and I was involved in the local church there, and also taught English. She had her own activities that she was involved in, and it meant that we might only 'hang out' together a couple of times a week. I am very thankful this happened, because we remained very close friends throughout the year. Try to make it where you have your own life and friends outside of your roommates, and set aside maybe once a week where you have some sort of 'hang out' whether it be a pizza and movie night, a Saturday at the mall, or just some girlie talk time (guys, you may substitute that with video games if you like).

These are my tips for having a good roommate experience. Do you have any more that I missed? Be sure and comment below!

When is the honeymoon over?

Today, I'm officially not a newlywed! And as promised, I would like to share some tips on marriage, that I have learned throughout my first year of marriage. Since I haven't been married long, this may not be the last time I talk about marriage, and I may change things as the the years go on, but if you would like to have a great first year of marriage, these are some things that have really helped me, and I hope help you!

Before I start my points, I would like to point out, that to strengthen your relationship with your spouse, you must strengthen your relationship with Christ! I am blessed to have a husband that has made it a priority to study the Bible and pray together daily!

Here is some 'wonderful' advice I was given (and am still getting) from people (mostly from church!) who felt like mine and my husband's constant hand holding, and loving words to each other were going to be short lived.

Just wait until the honeymoon/newlywed stage is over!!

You will hear this over and over again before and even after you get married. Why? I am starting to think that the reason people say this is because they either had too much physical touch before marriage, and therefore didn't really know the person they were marrying, or just got so much into their routine, that they gave up on the 'love and cherish' part of their vows (not saying that this is always the case...just my guess, or observation).
Thankfully, my husband has some great friends, and I have a great Pawpaw, who assured us that marriage was a great and exciting thing. That marriage didn't have to be a chore, or something to drag yourself through. Through talking to them, and reading marriage related articles, it gave me a lot of hope. 
How can you keep the 'fire' going? First by agreeing together to keep it going. After one Sunday morning when several people had told us the 'Just wait...' advice, my husband told me 'I don't ever want to stop opening the door, holding hands, or putting you first (after God, of course). Even when we have children let's put each other before them, so that we can always have a strong relationship'. This really gave me a peace of mind, and I agreed with him, to always put him second (after my relationship with God) and his needs before my own or anyone else.
That is the key...selflessness. It's not natural, or easy but it's the key to a great marriage. If you can put your spouse and their needs above your own (and even your children! I know I haven't had children yet, but it's something I've been studying on and praying about. My convictions now are that, husband comes first, children come second.), and your spouse do the same, what a great relationship you can have!

'Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her' (Ephesians 5:24,25)

Speaking of selflessness, and things that may be hard to do...this is one of them! Christ calls us as women to submit to our husbands, several times (Collosians 3:18, I Peter3:1) and in the feminist culture of today, it's a really hard pill to swallow. Ever since the Garden of Eden, women have wanted to wear the 'pants' in the family. (Gen. 3:6,16) This is not God's design for marriage, however, for he wants us to serve our husbands, and allow them to make the big decisions in our lives, just like we as church members serve Christ and allow him to make our life decisions for us. Although this may sound crazy, if the husbands heed the next verse, it can make submission, an easier thing to do! If the husbands give selfless love to their wives, just as Christ gave selfless love to us, then it makes it easy for the wife to want to submit.
You see marriage is a beautiful balance of respect and love. A husband needs to be respected, and a wife needs love. If you would like to understand this more, I recommend the book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
This can really help with how to address arguments as well. My husband and I haven't really had an out-and-out fight, but the few 'discussions' that we've had, have ended well, because we tried (tried is the key word...) to bathe everything in love and respect (and never go to sleep upset!).


Another thing that really helped me, is to understand that we all love in different ways...thus we each have our own:

Love Language

The book 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman is really eye opening on how each one of us needs love in different ways. I am a person who loves quality time. Nothing says love to me, like one on one time and conversation with my husband. If you don't have time to read the book, then at least take the quiz, and it might just help you understand why perhaps your husband/wife isn't responding the way you want to your attempts to show love. Or, as a newlywed, it might help you get your marriage off on the right foot, by constantly showing your husband/wife just how much you love them...in their own love language!
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

I know this post has been long, and I am sure there are many more things I would like to write, but I will stop here, and perhaps post more later. I will leave you with God's definition of love, which is perfect advice for any married couple (or any relationship, for that matter!)

I Corinthians 13 'If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,^[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;^{[b] 6} it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

⁸ Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. ¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. ¹² For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

¹³ So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.'

700 page views!!

This blog has over 700 page views!! (according to the blogger dashboard...not completely sure how accurate it is) Thank you so much for reading my blog, and I pray that it has been an inspiration to you, and your walk with God. If you ever have any topics or questions you would like for me to blog about, feel free to comment below!

As I said in the previous blog post, my anniversary is coming up! It's next week, and I will give some marriage tips for newlyweds then, but I wanted to post something this week so that y'all wouldn't think I had disappeared from the blog world. When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a mixture of things I'm learning in my walk with God, and also things I'm learning about housekeeping as a stay-at-home, piano teaching, youth pastor's wife! If you have housekeeping questions, I would love to perhaps to a recipe post, or perhaps a diy house projects post. Just let me know, and I will try to answer with my very little housekeeping experience :)

Again, thank you so much for reading my blog. I will hopefully have another post up before the end of next week.

Are you ready for the next step?

April is here, and I'm just a few weeks shy of my first wedding anniversary! As my husband and I make plans for a 'second honeymoon' I have been thinking about our first year of marriage a lot, and look forward to sharing with you some of the things I've learned about relationships and marriage. This week, however, I would like to sort of work my way to the actual marriage tips by starting with the question...'I've met the one I think I want to marry, but how do I know he/she is the right one?'

How I knew
You know when you are 'in love' when you see him/her as a flawless person you can't stop thinking about every few minutes, but how do you know if this is just infatuation, or really the person God has for you? Even though I can't answer this question for you, I can try to help guide you in making that decision.
My husband and I spent about 18 of the first 22 months of our relationship (this counts from first meeting via Skype, to marriage) thousands of miles away from each other. Believe it or not, I still caught myself thinking about him all the time, even though I didn't see him or even talk to him every day. I do think that it was God's plan for me to be so far apart so that I could step back and think about the serious questions in a clearer light. For me it wasn't too hard. My husband was in the ministry, which was something that I had prayed for, he was in God's word, and had shown himself to be a godly, spiritual man, we had spent literally hours talking about our views on political, and spiritual topics (when all you have is Skype to rely on, you do a lot of talking!) ect. To top it off, God gave me a peace about it, and on my wedding day, I had no doubts that this was the man God had given me.

How you can know
I have seen countless acquaintances on facebook here lately, of girls who are 'in love' but are sleeping with their boyfriends, and claiming it's God's will for them to be together. After a little while they come back with a shambled relationship, because the 'in love' stage is over and reality has settled in, and those boys are not as great as they first looked like. So when making the big decision to take the next step here are some questions you can ask yourself...

Has my boyfriend/girlfriend and I kept each other from being tempted to sin (to have sex, or other physical touching that you have previously agreed was off limits)
Has he/she encouraged me in my spiritual walk/made me want to grow more spiritually
Have we talked about money/debt, children, family, etc.? (remember, the more you discuss this now, the less you will have to later, and will help reduce future arguments) 
For girls:
Have we discussed how he will lead in our relationship (Ephesians 5:22-24) (for guys, have you made it easy for her to trust your leadership?)
Is he someone I can submit to? Remember, we are commanded to submit, even if we don't like the decisions being made (doesn't mean we can't help with the decision making, but the husband makes the final decisions). Unless the husband is making a decision that is completely against the Bible, we should submit to our husbands. So are you ready to do that?

Here are just a few that I can think of right now. If you think of other questions I've missed, feel free to comment below!  Remember that you can have all the time in the world to physically love on each other after marriage. Talking to your future spouse can make marriage a lot smoother, and helps you feel comfortable talking to that person that you will be with for the rest of your life!

Jesus loves you!

My apologies for the long break in blogging. My husband was on spring break one week, and I decided to do some spring cleaning (even though it feels like winter outside) the next. So, here I am 2 weeks behind! I was going to continue with talking on subjects my husband talks about in class (and I still might later this week), but something really hit me today that I wanted to share.
I listen to K-love daily. I enjoy having the app on my phone and being able to carry my phone around with me as I'm cleaning different areas of the house. A song came on this morning that I've heard several times, but this morning as I sang along I really thought about the words. The title is 'Someone Worth Dying For' by Mikeschair, and although I see where they are going with the song and I really like it, it made me think about the fact that really we are not worth dying for! Why?

We are sinners(Romans 3:23)

It's a plain and simple fact, and we know it all too well. Even for us who have grown up in church and were saved at an early  age understand how evil our hearts and minds can be. I think about things I've done, or thought and realize just how much of a sinner I am. If I was worth dying for, Isaiah 64:6 would not be true. Something I have done would have had to be good if I was worth it.
Your a sinner, and nothing you could do can save you from your sins. I am not worth dying for! But you know what?

Jesus Died for you anyway! 

Really this is the beauty of the cross, Jesus died for us while we were sinners.He suffered beatings and mockery, crucifixion, and God's rejection so that we could have salvation and a relationship with Him. Why? Because He loves us!
Romans 5:8, But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
Isn't this amazing? That God loved us so much that He sent His son to die for us on the cross so that through him we could have eternal life! (John 3:16) I pray that as Easter gets closer, you'll read about Jesus' death and realize just how much He loves you and wants to begin a relationship with you!

I can't believe she did that!

Gossip...It's a topic that I don't like talking or writing about, because I struggle with it. Why am I talking about it then? Not only is it something that most of us girls (and some guys!) struggle with, but my husband talked about unity in the church, and I thought that nothing spreads disunity as fast as gossip.
We love gossip, as hard as it is to admit, we love it! In Proverbs 18:8 it says "The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body."  I am not sure what gossip does to make us love it so much, but I always seem to feel better about myself and worse about someone else when it's over.
I never start out with the intention of gossiping, normally, but because I love to talk so much it seems comes out at sometime or another. I don't like to see myself as a gossiper but when I read Philippians 4:8 I realize that what I say about people isn't always lovely or honorable! Unfortunately my flesh self tells me that talking bad about someone isn't that bad. This is especially the case when it is true about that person! But I have to understand a couple of things that the Bible teaches, first:

Gossip is a sin!

God says that he hates it (Proverbs 6: 16-19). A lot of times we see gossip as something harmless, but when we put down and judge a fellow believer, we are spreading strife, and can lose friends (Proverbs 16:28). Not only that, when we are worried about and talking about other people, we are taking our focus off Christ and onto someone else's faults.
Another thing we must see is:

Gossip is not limited to false information

When what we say about someone is true, then it doesn't seem to be quite as bad. The Bible teaches us that "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things" Philippians 4:8 Even though this says to 'think', whatever is in our hearts and minds comes out on our tongues (Matthew 15:18)
If we don't have something that is an encouragement, or doesn't build someone up, then we should not say it at all.

Finally, God gives us an example of how we should speak:
He would like us "To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people." Titus 3:2 That verse is my challenge to not only you, but myself!