...And He Shall Give You the Desires of Your Heart

My heart beat wildly in my chest, as questions flooded my mind. "Would he let me know where this relationship was headed? Would I have to speak up? Was I rushing into this too fast? Would a long distant relationship even work?"

For two weeks I had been Facebook messaging or Skyping a young man I had met through a mutual friend on Facebook. I had called my mom a couple of days before, and the worry and fear she felt for me talking to someone I had never met was evident in her voice. This guy could be misleading me to believe he was someone he was not, I believe was her biggest worry. To relieve some of these fears, I had messaged another mutual friend of mine and KJ's, who was a close family friend that my mom would trust and respect. She had yet to respond.

The familiar sound of Skype met my ears and I nervously accepted the call. KJ and I talked for what seemed like a long time before he nervously asked if I would like to 'court' him. Such relief. He told me how that he would like for this relationship to be about finding out if we wanted to get married. We would ask deep and essential questions to see if we felt like it would work. Most importantly, we would seek God's will above all else. Of course, I have no idea what all he said. I was too nervous to hear everything, but I know that was the essence of what he said.

A day or two later, the mutual friend responded to my message by telling me what a great young man he was, and not only that, she saw my mom not too long later and told her the same thing. My mom felt much better, and was ready to meet him.

I could say 'the rest is history', but things are never that rosy or straightforward. Although we hit it off extremely well, and are about to celebrate 4 years of marriage, a long distant relationship can be very tough. I would like to talk about that more either next week or the week after, but needless to say, you can still be quite lonely. We didn't get to video call each other until a month or two later, and we didn't 'meet' each other until 9 months after we first talked. We were in the same location for 3 1/2 of the 22 months we 'courted'. These facts meant that we had to figure out how to make a long distant relationship work.

The key to our success, was our willingness to put God first and not each other. We also put boundaries on our physical touching once we were in the same location again. This helped us not to go too fast, and stay pure even though it's tough when you don't see each other for a very long time. We waited to kiss until our wedding day, which made the wait so worth it. I am so thankful I surrendered my relationship status to the Lord. He weaved a story so beautiful, that I could have never even dreamed.

Ten months after we started courting, KJ got on his knee on a three hour cruise in Hot Springs, Arkansas. He asked me to marry him, and a few minutes later, after I had already walked around to show off my ring, he realized he had forgotten to add three magical words. I Love You. We had also refrained from saying that so far. It made it more meaningful to us, and we laugh at the fact that he forgot it in his proposal. Exactly a year after he proposed, we got married.

I also cannot say that we 'Lived Happily Ever After'. That would be a lie. However, we have had such a smooth relationship thus far (perhaps not financially, or with parenting, but how close we are relationship wise). I attribute that to us putting God first, and not taking things too quickly. The fact that he protected my heart by waiting to say I love you, and helping to protect our purity by putting boundaries on how far we went physically.

If you missed part 1 of this series, click here. If you would like to look at my other posts on dating, click here. Last, but not least, stay tuned to hear more about courtship, and long distant relationship tips!

Delight Yourself in the Lord...

It was April 2010, and I was starting a new journal. The front had the words 'Delight yourself in the Lord, and he shall give you the desires of your heart.' I sighed as I thought about what the MY desires were: To find a husband, get married, live happily ever after.  The problem was I was already 21 (old in my book!), with no prospects, and to top it all off I was living in a foreign country. I decided then and there I would focus on the first part of that verse 'Delight yourself in the Lord'.

You see, this verse isn't a wish granting verse, it's a 'dive in so deep into a relationship with the Lord, that your desires will bend and shape until they are what the Lord desires for you'. When you look back, after your desire has been met, or perhaps been changed, you'll see how much better God's way worked out, than anything you could ever have imagined. I do want to point out though, sometimes we will never understand how things work out on this side of Heaven, and in those things we must trust in Him still. 

When I started the journal I was on furlough, but soon it was time to head back for another year of missionary work. A week or two before, I decided to surrender my marital status to God, and if he wanted me to stay single, then it would be the best thing for me ( I will add, that during this furlough, I had been told by some missionary mentors that I would be single for the rest of my life, and should just get used to that fact. As wrong as they were, it did help me let go of this marriage obsession and focus on just living for Christ). 

Two weeks after I came back, I woke up to a gentle thumping of rain, and heavy humidity. It was rainy season, so no surprise there. Walked downstairs, and prepared my usual one cup of coffee, and headed back upstairs to get on facebook. Two messages appeared on my screen, and I clicked on the icon, to see a message from someone I didn't know. Below that message was one from a guy who was a family friend. He explained how he told his best friend about me, and encouraged him to get to know me, which is why this strange someone had messaged me. 

The stranger introduced himself, and asked to get to know me. I had no idea what was going on. He and I messaged back and forth for a week, and I then asked if he wanted to download Skype. We started Skyping (is that a word?) and would talk for 2 hours at at time for a solid straight week. I started to think that maybe he wanted to pursue the relationship past friendship. My mom was very freaked out (and rightly so, I mean, she had no idea who he was!), the person I was staying with thought I should ask out right what his intentions were, and as for myself, I decided to pray. If it was God's will, he would have to get this man to tell me himself, for I had promised myself to not be forward in a relationship. I was scared, and doubtful. Certain I had read things wrong, that weekend was the slowest weekend of my life. Who could have guessed how things would play out!

This will be continued next week, so keep reading!

How to Have a Passion for Purity

About to enter the dating scene? Already dating but don't want to go too far?  Sometimes it's so hard to know how far is too far, and what rules you should live by. A conference told you one thing, your boyfriend/girlfriend is telling you another. What's a girl (or boy!) supposed to do?

Last night during our Bible study we came across this verse from Psalm 119:9

How can a young person stay pure?

    By obeying your word.

That's it. Those are the rules. Do you want to know how to keep your relationship from going 'too far' then get into God's Word and see what He says. Not only that, but you have to do what He says!

I loved the Joshua Harris books: I kissed Dating Goodbye, and Boy Meets Girl and highly recommend them to those wanting to go a different route than most. However, when it came time for my own love story things didn't go quite according to how I pictured they would. For starters, I was in Thailand, and my then boyfriend was in the States. We didn't physically date until 9 months after we met through a mutual friend on Facebook. This meant that all those 'rules' that the books and conferences suggested had no meaning for my particular situation. What did we do?

I think it helped that both he and I had a desire for purity. If your boyfriend or fiance doesn't have the same desire for purity that you have, then you don't need to be in the relationship. More than likely, he will cause you to do things that you don't want to do, and to go farther than you want to go. So, having a significant other that has a relationship with God (and not just one that says he's a Christian but doesn't live like one) is vital for a pure relationship. 

Second, we told each other that we would put God first in the relationship instead of each other. We then got on the same page as far as once we did meet, what we would do physically. Now, here comes the tricky part, because you have to decide what you will do to keep your relationship pure. For us, we stayed where people were, held hands, but never kissed. Actually, my husband never told me he loved me until he asked me to marry him, and we never kissed until our wedding day. This is what we did, and once we set up those guidelines for ourselves it lifted the burden of knowing whether or not we were going too far. It allowed trust to be built between each other. Since we often skyped while we were alone, knowing each others heart and intentions made it where we never ventured into the 'unknown' (you know, the after marriage stuff) or 'too far' category.

I said all that to say, you have to read the Bible, you have to set the guidelines with yourself and with your significant other. You both need to be in the Word. Because it doesn't matter how many conferences you go to, or books you read, your heart needs to be in the right place. 

Ruth and Boaz: The Wedding

I love weddings. I love the candlelit churches with flowers hanging from pews, the people that come to wish the bride and groom the best,and  a blushing bride with her eyes fixed on her beaming soon-to-be husband. From the ceremony to the reception, I love a wedding (hey, I'm a girl, I think I'm programed to enjoy a wedding!). Love and romance are beautiful things but these sights and 'feelings' don't last forever. As you read Ruth 4, you might think that there isn't an ounce of romance in their love story, but a relationship founded upon the principles theirs had will be one that will last.
If you are new to my blog, I've written a few posts about relationships and if you would like to read them go to 'lables' and click on relationships.
We see that Ruth and Boaz's relationship:
Put God First 
In the first part of the chapter we see that even though Boaz loves Ruth, he still obeys the law by seeking out the closer relative, and conducting the transaction just as the law commanded (Ruth 4:1-9, Lev. 25:29). Sometimes putting God first isn't easy, but when you start your relationship that way it makes it so  much sweeter. (I write more about this in: http://ayouthpastorswife.blogspot.com/2013/02/jesus-comes-first.html)

Stayed Pure
In chapter 3 we see that even though Ruth had made herself beautiful and lay in the same room as Boaz, they both remained pure and resisted temptation. Because Boaz was putting God and His law first, Boaz waited and made his marriage a public affair (Ruth 4:10-12). If you don't remain pure in your relationship, this can lead to regrets and heartache, which may not come until after the 'lovey dovey' stage is over.

Were Unselfish
Technically, Ruth's first son would have been claimed for her deceased husband, not Boaz (Ruth 4:10). Boaz could have refused to redeem the land, because it entailed having a child that wasn't able to be claimed as his, also he could have refused because Ruth was a foreigner, but he didn't. When we put our spouse, and others ahead of ourselves, we can have a relationship that acts out 1 Corinthians 13. 

Being blissfully in love is a wonderful thing, but a relationship built on a biblical foundation is absolutely beautiful. It will give you a relationship that will last!

Forgiveness

If you have been following my blog you know that I have been talking about Ruth...I would like to get to that perhaps in a future post, but I wanted to write about something that has been on my mind. There may be a few things, so be patient, we will get back to Ruth eventually!
Matthew West wrote a song called forgiveness; here is the first verse:

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

Is there someone who has hurt you physically or emotionally? Every time you hear their name mentioned it gives bad memories and possibly bad feelings that you must battle. I too have had to struggle with forgiving someone that I felt hurt me emotionally a few years back. I heard a sermon the other day (I've heard several lessons and sermons on this subject, but this one inspired me to write this post) which helped me not only put forgiveness in perspective (looking at how much God forgave us)but let me know that forgiving doesn't necessarily mean forgetting.


To forgive someone we must first realize:

God has forgiven us!

Psalm 103:10-14 says: He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

This means that although we sin constantly, and do things that hurt God, he doesn't treat us like we have! Because of His love He gave up His only son to be our Savior and remove our sins as far as the east to the west. We don't have to worry about God taking revenge upon us because of past sins, because he has forgiven us and has shown compassion on us.

That should make us realize that no matter what someone does to us, it is no comparison to what we have done to God. We are the reason that He had to give up His son! So if anyone should be holding a grudge, it should be God, but he isn't, so why do we? Please go and read Matthew 18:21-35 to see what Jesus said about forgiveness.

We must put away our pride

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

'It's not me that's wrong, it's him! If anyone should be talking about forgiveness it should be him!' I used to tell myself that, but it doesn't work. The Bible commands that we should forgive (Matthew 18:21-22), and not only that, but it causes our focus to not be on strengthening our relationship with God, but on how best to get that person back. Even if you don't feel revengeful, your thoughts are on the hurt the person has done you (making it to where the focus is on you). 

My challenge is that you read the scriptures I've posted on here, pray about forgiveness, and ask God to give you strength to forgive, then, let it go. I have found the best way to help the healing process is by starting to pray for that person. It doesn't mean that it is always easy, which brings me to my final point:

Forgiveness doesn't mean you are deaf, dumb, and blind!

Yes, often the relationship you had with them can never be restored  to its former glory, because of the broken trust, but it doesn't mean that you haven't forgiven them. It does mean, however, that you must treat them with love, and if they are Christians then it means you must treat them as a brother or sister in Christ, and if they are not then it means you must show love and forgiveness to them so that they might understand God's forgiveness.

It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

How to be roommates, and still be friends!

Most of you know that I spent three years in Thailand. Of those three years, I spent a little over a year in a small one room (plus an outside bathroom) apartment (looked more like a dorm room) with my awesome roommate, Martina. She and I are from different countries, America and Italy, but I believe I had one of the greatest roommate experiences. I had heard so many horror stories about people's roommates, especially if they had started off as friends. God really blessed me with the roommate I had, who was really laid back, and helped my experience be a great one.  I am, of course, a youth pastor's wife, which means we minister to teenagers, and ones who are about to go off to college. We have a couple who are wanting to room with each other and one other friend (they are all best friends), so as promised to them, I am writing a post on how to be roommates and still be friends!

If you have read my other blog posts you know I've talked a lot about relationships, and this is basically another type of relationship. To begin, the most important thing is:

Communication

Talk it out! And this needs to start before you become roommates. If you ask the questions later, then you are asking for more drama, and possible loss of friendships. Here are some sample questions to ask:
Money:
Who is in charge to collect the money to pay for rent/utilities? Will each buy their own groceries? If you are carpooling will the gas be split?
Social:
Do you want some guidelines as far as boys being in the house? If one has a boyfriend, what is appropriate for them to do in front of everyone? (if you are all strong Christians, this may be much easier to talk about. If you are dating, it's my suggestion that if you invite them in, it should to the living room area with your roommates there. Bedrooms should never be a place for boys! (and guys, your bedroom should never be a place for girls!) )
Cleanliness:
Who is in Charge of cleaning which rooms? How often should it be done, and how thorough? If you are sharing a bedroom, does it matter if one cleans their side of the room and the other one doesn't?
Time:
Are your friends night owls, and you're an early bird, how late or how early can you be making loud noises? Remember Proverbs 27:14 'Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.' This can also be applied to late at night as well.
Are you carpooling to class? How late is too late? Do you know your friend likes to take their time in the morning and is often late for school, but you've never had to deal with it before...well, you may want to talk about it now, so you don't have to argue about it later.

Arguements

As good as the communication was before you got together, there still may be arguments later. We are all human, after all, and we each come with our own unique personality, our own strengths and weaknesses. Remember that as Christians, we should treat our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, with love, and put each others needs above our own (Ephesians 4:32“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” ). Sometimes, however, you may feel like something needs to be addressed. When this happens you should go directly to the person you are having trouble with and not to anyone else, then tell them in love what is bothering you.

Fish and company stink after three days

You absolutely love hanging out with your best friend, and feel like that being roommates is like having a sleepover party every night. Not saying there won't be days like that, but it is good to remember, that anybody can get tired of anybody.  My roommate and I were in two separate majors, with different class times, and I was involved in the local church there, and also taught English. She had her own activities that she was involved in, and it meant that we might only 'hang out' together a couple of times a week. I am very thankful this happened, because we remained very close friends throughout the year. Try to make it where you have your own life and friends outside of your roommates, and set aside maybe once a week where you have some sort of 'hang out' whether it be a pizza and movie night, a Saturday at the mall, or just some girlie talk time (guys, you may substitute that with video games if you like).

These are my tips for having a good roommate experience. Do you have any more that I missed? Be sure and comment below!

Second Chances

We've all messed up at some time or another. If you've been reading these posts, and are no longer sexually pure, then it may seem that this series doesn't even apply to you. You may say, I've messed up, so I can't have a pure relationship with anyone ever again; God is done with me. Good news, He's not done with you! You can receive forgiveness and start again. Yes, you will still have that lost purity, and yes, God will still punish you, but God will give you a second chance!
Messing up doesn't just apply to dating and relationships, but every single part of our lives. We may reason that we've messed up beyond all hope of redemption, but think again. The Bible gives us countless examples of people who've messed up (Rahab-harlot, David-adulterer and murderer, Peter-denied Jesus 3 times) and who God still used in His plan.
Another person who messed up and received a second chance was Jonah. In Jonah 1, we see three things in his life that can help us look at a life messed up and given a second chance.

Jonah rejected what he knew was right (Jonah 1:1-3)

Jonah was a godly man, a prophet, no less. He received messages straight from God and delivered it...except for the one time God asked him to talk to some of the meanest people on the planet, the people of Nineveh. He knew what was right, and rejected it. Jonah got up and went in the opposite direction to 'escape from the Lord'. Oh silly Jonah, I've often thought, why do you think you can run away from God, when you know he is the Lord Creator and knows all things?!' While my husband was presenting the lesson last night I realized that we, as Christians, do the exact same thing! When we don't want to follow God's will, we feel like we are in control of our own lives and go ahead and do our own thing, and don't for a second think about the consequences. We know what's right, but we reject it and go in the opposite direction. When we do that, we are apt to put not only ourselves, but others in danger. (Jonah 1:4-5). What Jonah was about to learn is that...

God will punish us (Jonah 1:4-11)

God sent a storm to punish Jonah (and later a stinky fish he got to stay in for 3 days and nights-that was anything but sanitary!) When we do wrong God does discipline us but it is good to know that he does it out of His unfailing love: Hebrews 12:5,6
' And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said,

“My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and don’t give up when he corrects you.
⁶ For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    and he punishes each one he accepts as his child."'

If we have accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Savior, we are God's child, and since God is our Father, then we need 'spankings' when we do something wrong. He doesn't do it out of spite or anger, but He does it out of Love. 

God gives us second chances, but we have to accept the repercussions of what we do. And you know, a second chance is not a second chance unless we ask for forgiveness (I want to point out that if we do mess up, we do not lose the salvation God has given us. God's unfailing love never ceases, no matter what we do!). 

Jonah realizes his wrong and asks the men to throw him into the sea(Jonah 1:12) and later he has a long talk with God (Jonah 2). When we ask God's forgiveness, we can see him work through our mistakes. 

 God can use our mistakes for His own good purpose

God turned a horrible situation, in which Jonah had turned his back on God's will, into a revival service for the guys on the ship. They started out praying to all their gods, but ended by making vows to serve God instead (Jonah 1:13-16). You've messed up. Has God given up on you? Is God done with you? No! God can turn your mistakes into something that gives him honor and glory, if you will just seek after Him (Matthew 6:33).

I am going to end this post on a light note. Ever since my husband told me that this is what he was going to talk about, I've had the Veggie Tale song stuck in my head. There are not many clear versions of this on youtube, so sorry for the Spanish(?) title...Enjoy, and know that God has a second chance for you!

 

Single Not Separate

So, it's Valentines Day, and you are again facing it without a 'valentine'. My husband chose to talk on this subject the day before Valentines because so many get discouraged or depressed because they don't have a 'significant other' to share it with. Our culture has made us feel like we 'need' someone, and that we are defined by whether or not we are in a relationship, but this is certainly not the case!
I Corinthians 7:23 says 'God paid a high price for you, so don’t be enslaved by the world.' Look at just how much you mean to Him! He loved you so much that He gave his only begotten son for you (John 3:16)! So whether you are single or in a relationship, remember that God paid a high price for you!
If you are single, here are some things to think about:

Singleness doesn't separate us from our culture  (I Corinthians 7:7 Singleness is a gift! )

Even though today's culture tries to define us by our relationship status, singleness doesn't mean that we are outcasts in society! An even deeper truth is that God can use us (perhaps even more) when we are single that when we are married (I Corinthians 7:32-35).
It's no accident that you are single, for God has given you this time of singleness for a greater purpose than you or I could ever imagine (Esther 4:14)! Instead of being down and depressed, celebrate that God has given you a time in your life that you are not 'tied down' and able to go and do things for God more freely. As my husband put so eloquently: 'We need to be looking for and expecting God's plan for our life'. Of course, that applies to those of us who are married too!
God blessed me during my time of singleness in allowing me to go and serve in Thailand. When I went, I told myself that I wanted to use my single years wisely. Once I got over there though, I was scared that by being there, I was closing myself off to relationships. I was even told by a preacher that I should get used to the fact that I would probably stay single for the rest of my life. This brings me to the next part of the post:

Singleness doesn't separate us from receiving any blessings

I had made relationships an idol. In a previous post we talked about how that we have to put Jesus first before anyone we have a relationship with, and you know, this can include someone we're dreaming of having a relationship with! Both my husband and I had made having a relationship with someone a priority and when we decided to give that up to God and surrender that up to him,God put us together! This doesn't mean that if you surrender that up to God, immediately He will give you a boyfriend/girlfriend, but what I am saying is that life isn't all about relationships with a boyfriend/girlfriend and it won't solve all of your problems.
So many times we tell ourselves 'If I could just be in a relationship, my loneliness, sexual temptations, etc will get solved', but that just isn't the case. (I Corinthians 7:28)
Our focus needs to be on Christ; being in a relationship with someone shouldn't be our ultimate goal in life, but being in a closer relationship with Christ, and sharing Him with others should be.

Singleness doesn't separate us from ever having a relationship

If you are single now, it doesn't mean you will always be. Even though Paul was called to a life of singleness (and there are others who are called as well), doesn't mean that it will be that way for everyone! Marriage was God's idea in the first place. Neither having a relationship, or not having one are sins, but both of these things can be if we allow our focus to be on something or someone else besides Christ.

Matthew 6:33
Sorry this post is so long, but I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it!

Day of Love

Valentines Day is fast approaching, and even though I said I wasn't really going to post about marriage until after our one year anniversary, I thought I would just give a challenge to all my married friends to try to do something thoughtful on this 'day of love'. It's always nice to do romantic, thoughtful things on other days, but most especially this Thursday.Let your husband/wife know just how much you love and care for them. And you know what, have fun with it! You will probably enjoy putting your romantic gesture together as much as they will enjoy receiving it!

Jesus Comes First

Ross King, in his song "Clear the Stage" sings:

"Anything I put before my God is an idol.
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.
Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol.
Anything that I give all my love is an idol"

It's a very powerful message that makes us have to stop and think about what we've been spending all our time doing, wanting, thinking about etc. And, of course, this includes relationships we have with people.

My husband broke up his lesson into three parts, and I'll do the same here, but like I told someone last night, even though the points sound the same, it's my own take on the lesson.

Building our relationship with Jesus

As you can see, this lesson was about putting Jesus first in, well, everything. So before we start a relationship with someone else, we need to make sure our relationship with Jesus is where it should be (or going in the right direction. First off, I need to ask the question: Have you accepted Jesus as your Savior? This is the foundation, the beginning of a relationship with Him. You see, we are not perfect and therefore have no way of redeeming ourselves or no way to get to heaven on our own. Jesus is perfect, and volunteered to die in our stead so that we could have a personal relationship with Him and one day live with Him in Heaven!
If you are a believer, then where is your relationship? Are you putting aside some time to spend with Him? or are you too busy? I struggle with making sure I spend one on one time with him. My husband and I study the Bible together (which is great! I love having that time where we read scripture together and get to talk about things we are both reading about!) but I also need to spend some individual time as well.

Once you are in a relationship with someone else, you must realize that:

Your dating relationship is part of your witness!

As my husband said last night, if you are not putting God first (and putting that other person first instead) others can tell. How? By how much you are willing to compromise the guidelines you made to be with that person. Your relationships are a light to others around you. It is a witness and shows your relationship with God!
My husband and I talked only about two weeks after we started dating (before we 'fell in love') about how that we were going to put God first, and that each other would be second...not first! I am so glad we talked about this, because it helped keep each other accountable.
Remember, what ever you do, do all for the glory of God (see I Corinthians 10:31), which includes dating. This can mean that:

Sometimes dating someone will not bring God glory

You know those dry spells, when it seems no one is interested (and you are not interested)? Instead of getting down or depressed, see it as a time where maybe God is saying let's work on our relationship! If you dated during that time it might not bring glory to God.
When I was nineteen I moved to Thailand (you can see some of my stories at missionseahelper.blogspot.com)  and spent three  years there. My purpose for going was to spend my single years wisely (I'll talk more about singleness next week), and it gave me an opportunity to serve God and bring glory to Him there, and there God made a way for me to meet my husband and give glory to God by dating, and eventually marrying, him!

So remember: "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." Matthew 6:33 NLT

Dating and Relationships...

My husband has just started a new series on dating and relationships, a subject very near and dear to my heart, since I chose to do a crazy method of dating called, courtship. I normally am interested in the hubby's lessons since he does such a great job with them, and always likes me to hang around so we can have 'talks' on the subject. This time, however, I was able to contribute a lot more than a thought or two, since we had some pretty lengthy discussions prior to his normal Tuesday night lesson preparation.
Both he and I are excited to begin this study (which really has already begun, since we started Wednesday) because we finally feel like we are in a position to talk about it. I would like to one day talk about marriage tips on here, but our pastor told me that we lose 'newlywed' status once we come to the one year mark. Maybe then I'll give some tips on how to have a great first year in marriage.
Well, enough about marriage, and onto what we are talking about in youth. This past week we started on Biblical guidelines, and having a purpose for dating. To be honest there are only a few core guidelines written in the Bible, but in them we can have a foundation for some personal guidelines.

The first guideline is no sexual sin...I Thessalonians 4:3

Basically, waiting until marriage to have sex (Genesis 2:24). This is where we can form some guidelines to help us stay away from this and keep it from becoming a temptation for us. When I was eleven, I decided that I would wait and kiss for the first time on my wedding day. It wasn't because I wanted to keep my self from temptation or anything, but because Mom had read a story about a girl who had waited and I thought that was super romantic! When I told my cousins, they just laughed and told me to wait until I was 16, things would be much different. This, of course, made me more determined, and once I got older and actually interested in boys, that determination helped me make some other decision that changed the way I viewed dating, or really my mom helped make the decisions, seeing that at 13 I was ready to enter the dating world and she stopped me in my tracks and gave me a Joshua Harris book to read (thanks Mom!).
Courtship is just an old fashioned word that really means Godly dating, and Joshua Harris talks a lot about this in his books (which I highly recommend). Courtship gives you some extra guidelines that help keep you from making decisions that lead up to sex. These can range anywhere to holding hands to kissing to, well, more stuff. Just because I made the decision to not kiss before marriage, doesn't mean others need to (Everyone is tempted by different things, and exhibit a lot more self control than others), but it is good to have these guidelines, before you enter the dating/courtship arena.

The second guideline is for believers to date believers...II Corinthians 6:14

This is extremely important! My husband's and my first conversations were on our salvation stories. Why? This was the most important event in our lives and needed to be equally important to the other. Common beliefs are important as well, since it is important that you worship together.

These are the two main guidelines that are found in the Bible. My husband went on in the lesson to explain that our purpose for dating should not be purely recreational, but should be with the end goal of marriage. On and off dating is just really good practice for divorce (this, of course, is my opinion, and doesn't mean that a person who has dated a lot can't have a lasting marriage, it just means they may have to work a little harder at it.). Another reason I like courtship, is that you start the relationship thinking about marriage, therefore, you are constantly asking your boyfriend/girlfriend questions about finance, child rearing, etc. to see if you agree.

So, that is it for this week. I hope you have enjoyed this post (the first one on the blog, actually!) and that it might help you who are single in making future decisions.