Delight Yourself in the Lord...

It was April 2010, and I was starting a new journal. The front had the words 'Delight yourself in the Lord, and he shall give you the desires of your heart.' I sighed as I thought about what the MY desires were: To find a husband, get married, live happily ever after.  The problem was I was already 21 (old in my book!), with no prospects, and to top it all off I was living in a foreign country. I decided then and there I would focus on the first part of that verse 'Delight yourself in the Lord'.

You see, this verse isn't a wish granting verse, it's a 'dive in so deep into a relationship with the Lord, that your desires will bend and shape until they are what the Lord desires for you'. When you look back, after your desire has been met, or perhaps been changed, you'll see how much better God's way worked out, than anything you could ever have imagined. I do want to point out though, sometimes we will never understand how things work out on this side of Heaven, and in those things we must trust in Him still. 

When I started the journal I was on furlough, but soon it was time to head back for another year of missionary work. A week or two before, I decided to surrender my marital status to God, and if he wanted me to stay single, then it would be the best thing for me ( I will add, that during this furlough, I had been told by some missionary mentors that I would be single for the rest of my life, and should just get used to that fact. As wrong as they were, it did help me let go of this marriage obsession and focus on just living for Christ). 

Two weeks after I came back, I woke up to a gentle thumping of rain, and heavy humidity. It was rainy season, so no surprise there. Walked downstairs, and prepared my usual one cup of coffee, and headed back upstairs to get on facebook. Two messages appeared on my screen, and I clicked on the icon, to see a message from someone I didn't know. Below that message was one from a guy who was a family friend. He explained how he told his best friend about me, and encouraged him to get to know me, which is why this strange someone had messaged me. 

The stranger introduced himself, and asked to get to know me. I had no idea what was going on. He and I messaged back and forth for a week, and I then asked if he wanted to download Skype. We started Skyping (is that a word?) and would talk for 2 hours at at time for a solid straight week. I started to think that maybe he wanted to pursue the relationship past friendship. My mom was very freaked out (and rightly so, I mean, she had no idea who he was!), the person I was staying with thought I should ask out right what his intentions were, and as for myself, I decided to pray. If it was God's will, he would have to get this man to tell me himself, for I had promised myself to not be forward in a relationship. I was scared, and doubtful. Certain I had read things wrong, that weekend was the slowest weekend of my life. Who could have guessed how things would play out!

This will be continued next week, so keep reading!

How to Have a Passion for Purity

About to enter the dating scene? Already dating but don't want to go too far?  Sometimes it's so hard to know how far is too far, and what rules you should live by. A conference told you one thing, your boyfriend/girlfriend is telling you another. What's a girl (or boy!) supposed to do?

Last night during our Bible study we came across this verse from Psalm 119:9

How can a young person stay pure?

    By obeying your word.

That's it. Those are the rules. Do you want to know how to keep your relationship from going 'too far' then get into God's Word and see what He says. Not only that, but you have to do what He says!

I loved the Joshua Harris books: I kissed Dating Goodbye, and Boy Meets Girl and highly recommend them to those wanting to go a different route than most. However, when it came time for my own love story things didn't go quite according to how I pictured they would. For starters, I was in Thailand, and my then boyfriend was in the States. We didn't physically date until 9 months after we met through a mutual friend on Facebook. This meant that all those 'rules' that the books and conferences suggested had no meaning for my particular situation. What did we do?

I think it helped that both he and I had a desire for purity. If your boyfriend or fiance doesn't have the same desire for purity that you have, then you don't need to be in the relationship. More than likely, he will cause you to do things that you don't want to do, and to go farther than you want to go. So, having a significant other that has a relationship with God (and not just one that says he's a Christian but doesn't live like one) is vital for a pure relationship. 

Second, we told each other that we would put God first in the relationship instead of each other. We then got on the same page as far as once we did meet, what we would do physically. Now, here comes the tricky part, because you have to decide what you will do to keep your relationship pure. For us, we stayed where people were, held hands, but never kissed. Actually, my husband never told me he loved me until he asked me to marry him, and we never kissed until our wedding day. This is what we did, and once we set up those guidelines for ourselves it lifted the burden of knowing whether or not we were going too far. It allowed trust to be built between each other. Since we often skyped while we were alone, knowing each others heart and intentions made it where we never ventured into the 'unknown' (you know, the after marriage stuff) or 'too far' category.

I said all that to say, you have to read the Bible, you have to set the guidelines with yourself and with your significant other. You both need to be in the Word. Because it doesn't matter how many conferences you go to, or books you read, your heart needs to be in the right place. 

Second Chances

We've all messed up at some time or another. If you've been reading these posts, and are no longer sexually pure, then it may seem that this series doesn't even apply to you. You may say, I've messed up, so I can't have a pure relationship with anyone ever again; God is done with me. Good news, He's not done with you! You can receive forgiveness and start again. Yes, you will still have that lost purity, and yes, God will still punish you, but God will give you a second chance!
Messing up doesn't just apply to dating and relationships, but every single part of our lives. We may reason that we've messed up beyond all hope of redemption, but think again. The Bible gives us countless examples of people who've messed up (Rahab-harlot, David-adulterer and murderer, Peter-denied Jesus 3 times) and who God still used in His plan.
Another person who messed up and received a second chance was Jonah. In Jonah 1, we see three things in his life that can help us look at a life messed up and given a second chance.

Jonah rejected what he knew was right (Jonah 1:1-3)

Jonah was a godly man, a prophet, no less. He received messages straight from God and delivered it...except for the one time God asked him to talk to some of the meanest people on the planet, the people of Nineveh. He knew what was right, and rejected it. Jonah got up and went in the opposite direction to 'escape from the Lord'. Oh silly Jonah, I've often thought, why do you think you can run away from God, when you know he is the Lord Creator and knows all things?!' While my husband was presenting the lesson last night I realized that we, as Christians, do the exact same thing! When we don't want to follow God's will, we feel like we are in control of our own lives and go ahead and do our own thing, and don't for a second think about the consequences. We know what's right, but we reject it and go in the opposite direction. When we do that, we are apt to put not only ourselves, but others in danger. (Jonah 1:4-5). What Jonah was about to learn is that...

God will punish us (Jonah 1:4-11)

God sent a storm to punish Jonah (and later a stinky fish he got to stay in for 3 days and nights-that was anything but sanitary!) When we do wrong God does discipline us but it is good to know that he does it out of His unfailing love: Hebrews 12:5,6
' And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said,

“My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and don’t give up when he corrects you.
⁶ For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    and he punishes each one he accepts as his child."'

If we have accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Savior, we are God's child, and since God is our Father, then we need 'spankings' when we do something wrong. He doesn't do it out of spite or anger, but He does it out of Love. 

God gives us second chances, but we have to accept the repercussions of what we do. And you know, a second chance is not a second chance unless we ask for forgiveness (I want to point out that if we do mess up, we do not lose the salvation God has given us. God's unfailing love never ceases, no matter what we do!). 

Jonah realizes his wrong and asks the men to throw him into the sea(Jonah 1:12) and later he has a long talk with God (Jonah 2). When we ask God's forgiveness, we can see him work through our mistakes. 

 God can use our mistakes for His own good purpose

God turned a horrible situation, in which Jonah had turned his back on God's will, into a revival service for the guys on the ship. They started out praying to all their gods, but ended by making vows to serve God instead (Jonah 1:13-16). You've messed up. Has God given up on you? Is God done with you? No! God can turn your mistakes into something that gives him honor and glory, if you will just seek after Him (Matthew 6:33).

I am going to end this post on a light note. Ever since my husband told me that this is what he was going to talk about, I've had the Veggie Tale song stuck in my head. There are not many clear versions of this on youtube, so sorry for the Spanish(?) title...Enjoy, and know that God has a second chance for you!

 

Single Not Separate

So, it's Valentines Day, and you are again facing it without a 'valentine'. My husband chose to talk on this subject the day before Valentines because so many get discouraged or depressed because they don't have a 'significant other' to share it with. Our culture has made us feel like we 'need' someone, and that we are defined by whether or not we are in a relationship, but this is certainly not the case!
I Corinthians 7:23 says 'God paid a high price for you, so don’t be enslaved by the world.' Look at just how much you mean to Him! He loved you so much that He gave his only begotten son for you (John 3:16)! So whether you are single or in a relationship, remember that God paid a high price for you!
If you are single, here are some things to think about:

Singleness doesn't separate us from our culture  (I Corinthians 7:7 Singleness is a gift! )

Even though today's culture tries to define us by our relationship status, singleness doesn't mean that we are outcasts in society! An even deeper truth is that God can use us (perhaps even more) when we are single that when we are married (I Corinthians 7:32-35).
It's no accident that you are single, for God has given you this time of singleness for a greater purpose than you or I could ever imagine (Esther 4:14)! Instead of being down and depressed, celebrate that God has given you a time in your life that you are not 'tied down' and able to go and do things for God more freely. As my husband put so eloquently: 'We need to be looking for and expecting God's plan for our life'. Of course, that applies to those of us who are married too!
God blessed me during my time of singleness in allowing me to go and serve in Thailand. When I went, I told myself that I wanted to use my single years wisely. Once I got over there though, I was scared that by being there, I was closing myself off to relationships. I was even told by a preacher that I should get used to the fact that I would probably stay single for the rest of my life. This brings me to the next part of the post:

Singleness doesn't separate us from receiving any blessings

I had made relationships an idol. In a previous post we talked about how that we have to put Jesus first before anyone we have a relationship with, and you know, this can include someone we're dreaming of having a relationship with! Both my husband and I had made having a relationship with someone a priority and when we decided to give that up to God and surrender that up to him,God put us together! This doesn't mean that if you surrender that up to God, immediately He will give you a boyfriend/girlfriend, but what I am saying is that life isn't all about relationships with a boyfriend/girlfriend and it won't solve all of your problems.
So many times we tell ourselves 'If I could just be in a relationship, my loneliness, sexual temptations, etc will get solved', but that just isn't the case. (I Corinthians 7:28)
Our focus needs to be on Christ; being in a relationship with someone shouldn't be our ultimate goal in life, but being in a closer relationship with Christ, and sharing Him with others should be.

Singleness doesn't separate us from ever having a relationship

If you are single now, it doesn't mean you will always be. Even though Paul was called to a life of singleness (and there are others who are called as well), doesn't mean that it will be that way for everyone! Marriage was God's idea in the first place. Neither having a relationship, or not having one are sins, but both of these things can be if we allow our focus to be on something or someone else besides Christ.

Matthew 6:33
Sorry this post is so long, but I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it!

Dating and Relationships...

My husband has just started a new series on dating and relationships, a subject very near and dear to my heart, since I chose to do a crazy method of dating called, courtship. I normally am interested in the hubby's lessons since he does such a great job with them, and always likes me to hang around so we can have 'talks' on the subject. This time, however, I was able to contribute a lot more than a thought or two, since we had some pretty lengthy discussions prior to his normal Tuesday night lesson preparation.
Both he and I are excited to begin this study (which really has already begun, since we started Wednesday) because we finally feel like we are in a position to talk about it. I would like to one day talk about marriage tips on here, but our pastor told me that we lose 'newlywed' status once we come to the one year mark. Maybe then I'll give some tips on how to have a great first year in marriage.
Well, enough about marriage, and onto what we are talking about in youth. This past week we started on Biblical guidelines, and having a purpose for dating. To be honest there are only a few core guidelines written in the Bible, but in them we can have a foundation for some personal guidelines.

The first guideline is no sexual sin...I Thessalonians 4:3

Basically, waiting until marriage to have sex (Genesis 2:24). This is where we can form some guidelines to help us stay away from this and keep it from becoming a temptation for us. When I was eleven, I decided that I would wait and kiss for the first time on my wedding day. It wasn't because I wanted to keep my self from temptation or anything, but because Mom had read a story about a girl who had waited and I thought that was super romantic! When I told my cousins, they just laughed and told me to wait until I was 16, things would be much different. This, of course, made me more determined, and once I got older and actually interested in boys, that determination helped me make some other decision that changed the way I viewed dating, or really my mom helped make the decisions, seeing that at 13 I was ready to enter the dating world and she stopped me in my tracks and gave me a Joshua Harris book to read (thanks Mom!).
Courtship is just an old fashioned word that really means Godly dating, and Joshua Harris talks a lot about this in his books (which I highly recommend). Courtship gives you some extra guidelines that help keep you from making decisions that lead up to sex. These can range anywhere to holding hands to kissing to, well, more stuff. Just because I made the decision to not kiss before marriage, doesn't mean others need to (Everyone is tempted by different things, and exhibit a lot more self control than others), but it is good to have these guidelines, before you enter the dating/courtship arena.

The second guideline is for believers to date believers...II Corinthians 6:14

This is extremely important! My husband's and my first conversations were on our salvation stories. Why? This was the most important event in our lives and needed to be equally important to the other. Common beliefs are important as well, since it is important that you worship together.

These are the two main guidelines that are found in the Bible. My husband went on in the lesson to explain that our purpose for dating should not be purely recreational, but should be with the end goal of marriage. On and off dating is just really good practice for divorce (this, of course, is my opinion, and doesn't mean that a person who has dated a lot can't have a lasting marriage, it just means they may have to work a little harder at it.). Another reason I like courtship, is that you start the relationship thinking about marriage, therefore, you are constantly asking your boyfriend/girlfriend questions about finance, child rearing, etc. to see if you agree.

So, that is it for this week. I hope you have enjoyed this post (the first one on the blog, actually!) and that it might help you who are single in making future decisions.